Send Me $500 Immediately or this tree gets the axe...

I was out in the yard today sitting under this tree. Not a bad way to spend an afternoon. Then I decided to hold it for ransom. It's going to be a gruesome death kids, pay up or the Flowering Dogwood takes it right in the trunk! I'll do it, I swear! The clock is ticking. I've give you to the end of May, then this tree gets sliced and diced!