Saturday, July 01, 2006

Black Bear Speaks staff writers escape from NYPD drug task force lockup

Whew, that was close one! It appears that getting caught driving under the influence in New York is almost as dangerous as driving anywhere under any condition in Michigan.

Michigan's new anti-marijuana driving regulations are severe. Having any trace of pot in your bloodstream, even if you smoked a month ago, is now punishable by a severe beating by a Michigan State Police trooper. Young black men beware, the Republicans are out to get you.

You see, Republicans in the Michigan legislature just passed the most oppressive marijuana law anywhere. You don't even have to be high. In fact, not only can you go to jail for possession of a narcotic - even if you don't have any - you're going to do serious prison time just for smoking a joint several weeks previous to your being pulled over by the cops. If it's in your pee, you're gonna be bent over grabbing your ankles at the Jackson State Pen. And now that they have their so-called traffic "enforcement zones" you can be pulled over for any reason at any time. So, if you're a young pot-smoking black man, rest assured that you will do prison time if you live in Michigan. The cops here are vicious racial profilers.

Just more proof that Michigan Republicans suck ass, are in the pocket of the prison industry, and that they hate the poor and minorities.

Thank goodness the Black Bear Speaks Smart Car - recently dubbed "SmartBear1" - came fully equipped with the James-Bond-Superspy-Evasive-Manuvers Action Kit. It's definitely one of the extras I would advise you to have installed at the dealership. I can't tell you about all the features, you have to buy one and find out for yourself like we did. Let's just say we were able to get out of Mahattan in minutes by driving our teeny Chrysler Smart Car on the sidewalks and through an empty subway tunnel.

There are several street people we'd like to thank, especially that lovable and scruffy dude who goes by the name Delmont. Now I know I shouldn't be thankin' folk for helping us elude our NYC appointed captors, but we don't know how else to thank them except publicly, blasting it out to the internet universe so to speak. God Bless to those we left behind in our Escape from New York!





Jerome Alicki said...

Black Bear Speaks has no relationship with the website listed above. It's spam. We feel that You should vote based on scientific fact and ignore evangelical christians who are attempting to force their ideology on American government utilizing insidious campaign tactics based on bigotry and hate. This is not a theocracy, and we feel that separation of church and state are of the utmost importance as the founders of this country intended. Democracy for all, free speech for all, freedom to worship for all as they choose, and protection from an invasive Republican led government that is jeopardizing all of the above.

Anonymous said...

I have no idea what "CFR" stands for, but I hope it's "Conservative Fuckhead Republicans."

lordgord5 said...

You are The Duke of New York...You're A-number one!

Anonymous said...

AHA! There are crazy people out there who appreciate a good Escape from New York reference... Hail Kurt Russell the one-eyed superhero!

Static Brain said...

To Black Bear: Smart car, LOL. I want one. To Anonymous: CFR stands for Council on Foreign Relations.