Thursday, May 18, 2006


Bear Advocates "Fatties Walk Act," severe penalties for obese people driving SUV's

Today I received correspondence from Senator Carl Levin (D-MI), who sits on the Senate Armed Services, Governmental Affairs, Small Business and Intelligence commitees, detailing his position on the Climate Stewardship Act of 2005 introduced into Congress by Senator McCain in February. Senator Levin is opposed to the act saying "We cannot address a global problem with a unilateral solution."

The stated purpose of the Climate Stewardship Act is to provide for "a program of scientific research on abrupt climate change, to accelerate the reduction of greenhouse gas emissions in the United States by establishing a market-driven system of greenhouse gas tradeable allowances, to limit greenhouse gas emissions in the United States and reduce dependence upon foreign oil, and ensure benefits to consumers from the trading in such allowances."

Senator Levin: "The United States must take a leadership role in addressing climate change, but that leadership must move us in the right direction. It is not sound leadership to give additional incentives to businesses to move their facilities, and the jobs that go with them, to other countries that do not have the costly environmental standards this bill would have imposed on US businesses. It is not sound leadership to simply shift industrial emissions from American soil to countries that have no emissions standards. And it's centainly not sound leadership to act unilaterally in a way that puts US manufacturers at a competitive disadvantage when there is no incentive for other countries to follow. In fact, the opposite is true. The unilateral appproach in the Climate Stewardship Act would provide an economic incentive for countries that are gaining our manufacturing jobs not to follow our lead..."

Indeed Senator, this Bear concurs with the above point about the importance of jobs. The rapid heating of the Earth is everyone's problem, and we need a comprehensive approach. But we are running out of time and we need a solution fast. We have 25 years until the Arctic ice cap is gone. That means major flooding on the coasts, increased magnitude of storms, and worsening drought in many parts of the inland areas. With all of these you get refugees, suffering, hunger, disease and war. Add to all that another 2 to 3 billion more humans - global population is now projected to be 9.2 billion by 2018 - and any idiot can see that we must act now.

We can start by leaving our cars and riding our bikes. Most of our kids are too damn fat anyway. Lets get all the fatties on pedal powered vehicles. It's a simple thing really that will help enormously.

Black Bear Speaks is now advocating the "Fattie Walks to Work Act". It's a simple piece of legislation that I just created that requires any fat fuck to walk or ride his bike everywhere he or she goes. The penalty for breaking the law is a swift beating by your fellow - somewhat smaller - neighbors. Under my law it will be perfectly legal to drag a 300lb man out of his Hummer and hit him upside the head with a 2x4, then take his keys and make him walk home. Think about it Senator Levin, isn't it about time we take all the fat slobs in the US out of their SUV's and make them walk? My Act will reduce the rate of global warming, reduce our dependence on foreign oil, cut health care costs of American businesses, and everyone's community will look better because there won't be any fatasses laying half naked in lawn chairs pouring Budweiser and chocolate sauce over Moosetracks ice cream.

Hope you like my idea Senator Levin. I'd be happy to come to your office and discuss it further. Are you free anytime next week?

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